Meghan’s Journal

One month ago today I could hold your perfect little hand. One month ago today I could kiss your perfect little cheeks. One month ago today I could run my fingers through your perfect white curls. One month ago today I could squeeze your perfect chubby little thigh. One month ago today I could sing your favorite songs to you. One month ago today I could whisper in your ear and tell you how much your mommy loves you. One month ago today I learned that you were wise beyond your years. One month ago today you told me what you needed, what you needed me to do. One month ago today I learned of an unimaginable pain, one that I never wanted to feel. One month ago today I held you tight, safe, and loved in my arms for the last time as you slipped away and left this world. One month ago today you took a piece of my heart and soul with you when you left. Not a moment of my day goes by that I don’t think of you, miss you, and selfishly want you back. You always were my little baby angel, and you always will be. This world is just not the same without your beautiful smile, your gorgeous blue eyes, those crazy blonde curls, your vibrant personality, your amazing personality, and your love of life. I love you and miss you more than words could ever express.

Everyone has gone home and I am now left to myself. As I look around our home I see you everywhere. I see two of everything. I see two highchairs. I see two cribs. I see two car seats. I see matching outfits. I see new clothes that you will never wear. I see unopened toys that you will never play with. When I bring Kaleb to school my car is empty without you in it. Your hand is missing from mine as I walk into your school. Your teachers are so wonderful and they have waited to give me your belongings from your classroom.

I would give anything in this world to have been able to save you one month ago. I would give anything to see your perfect smile and beautiful blue eyes even just one more time. I would give anything to have known better.