May 13, 2018
As I woke up this morning on Mother’s Day I found that my heart is so completely torn. I was immediately brought back to last Mother’s Day morning when my world changed FOREVER. Everything in me wants to skip this day and everything it is but when I look at Kaleb’s perfect little face I know that I won’t be able to avoid this day forever. For me, this day carries a lot of painful memories…things I can never unsee and moments that I can never get back.
I wonder and torture myself about all the “what ifs”. What if I had known better and anchored the dresser in their room? What if I had walked faster down the hallway? What if Kaleb had been out of his bed too, would he have helped Conner or would I have found him trapped beneath that dresser as well? What if I had gotten to him even just one minute sooner?
What if. Maybe this would not be our story to tell. Maybe this wouldn’t be our reality.
I am eternally grateful that I am a Mommy to the two most perfect little boys ever created…today, everyday, and forever. There is nothing in this world that will ever change that. But, this is a painful day. This will always be the day that I know I failed my precious Conner. This is the day that I couldn’t protect him. This is the day that I couldn’t save him.
As I reflect on this day I just want to remind everyone to kiss your babies, love on your babies, spoil your babies, cherish every moment with your babies because you never know if this moment is your last. ❤