May 15th. 6:57pm. I hate this day. This is the day that I had to make the choice no parent should ever have to make. This is the day that I held my baby in my arms for the very last time and kissed his perfect little head through my tears as he drew his very last breath. My heart broke that moment and he took a piece of me with him. One year, yet it feels like a lifetime has passed me by as we try to adjust to this “new normal”. Every new adventure and every new experience is missing that beautiful face and his excitement for life. For anyone who may be curious, this “new normal” is excruciating.
I miss everything about him. I miss his extra I love you’s every night before bed, his “HI BABY” everyday when I picked him up from school, his snuggles, even his epic temper tantrums. I miss picking out outfits that I just know he would look so cute in, I miss his morning hugs and pat on the back, I miss making 2 different meals because I know he won’t eat something that Kaleb likes. I miss watching “The Polar Express” year round, I miss the fight to clip his nails, I miss his sick snuggles. I miss every birthday, every adoption day, every Christmas, every halloween, every thanksgiving, every easter, and every other milestone that he will never see. I miss those perfect blonde curls and beautiful blue eyes, I miss his chubby thighs, I miss his perfect hands and feet, I miss his smile, I miss his laugh. I miss every single inch, ounce, piece and moment. I miss moments that I now treasure and the ones I will never know.
May 15th. 6:57pm. I hate you. You stole this beautiful, perfect little soul right out of my arms. Mommy and Kaleb love you and miss you to the ends of this earth and so far beyond my precious baby Conner. I love you ❤